"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling."
(NIV)

This is a blog about widows,
mothers and daughters,
facing change and challenges
and receiving ordinary, everyday blessings that don't seem quite so ordinary anymore.
It chronicles the journey from grief into the restoration of what has been lost.

*** I am no longer actively posting to this site, so please come visit me at my new site ***

http://www.jrrmblog.com/ - "Starting Over ... Again"

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Having an End of Life Discussion

For many of us, it's difficult to have a talk with our family members about our "end of life" wishes.  We don't have to talk about it with them because, for some reason, we think that talking about it will:
  • upset them (or upset us)
  • make it happen faster
  • make it more "real"
  • make them think we are waiting for their death
We may think it's too soon to talk about death.  The truth is that it's never too soon.  The difference between a good death and a difficult death seems to hinge upon whether the dying person has shared their wishes.

Robby and I talked about our wishes, but (unfortunately) never in a very serious way.  Robby always joked that he wanted a black gospel choir to sing at his funeral.  He loved gospel music and grew up playing bluegrass and gospel, so it was an obvious choice for him.  Unfortunately we don't have any all-black churches or gospel choirs in the area.  But my daughter did find a recording of a gospel singer, Sister Rosetta Tharpe singing "Peace In The Valley."  We played it at Robby's service.




Knowing what kind of care your loved one wishes can make their passing much easier - for them and for you.  We (my daughters and I) were able to plan a memorial service that we knew would make Robby proud, from the music to the Marine Honor Guard to the BBQ and beer we offered at the get-together after the service.  We could picture him, watching the whole thing from heaven, smiling and laughing as we told stories and shared memories of him and all that he loved.

If you are wondering where to start, check out The Conversation Project.  Here you can find a starter kit that will help to break the ice, and make your discussion much easier.  You can also see what others have said about their final wishes.

It's never too soon to have a talk like this.  And it doesn't have to be a "grim reaper" talk.  Having these talks around the kitchen table, before the doctor's office or the emergency room, lessens stress for everyone.

What is something you would like to tell your family about your final wishes?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Six Small Steps to A Money Makeover



Here are a few more tidbits of information about managing our finances.  These can apply to anyone, widow or not.  Got them from the September 2012 of "O" Oprah Magazine.  I hope you find these helpful!  :)

Do This Now:
  • "Electronic bills are great - unless they are lost in a crowded in-box.  Set up a separate e-mail account (e.g. alexa.bills@emailhostdotcom) to keep your e-bills orderly."  -  Alexa Von Tobel, founder of the personal finance Web site learnvest.com
  • "Challenge yourself with a 21-day financial fast, during which you eliminate all spending except or the bare essentials.  Halting unnecessary purchases forces you to reflect on how much you consume."  -  Michelle Singletary, "The Color of Money" columnist for The Washington Post.
  • "Stop delaying your savings!  So many women say they haven't done enough research to enroll in a 401(k) plan, but it's far better to act now and tweak your allocations later than to delay building any security at all."  -  Mary Caraccioli, host of We Owe What? on the Live Well Network.
Do This Soon:
  • Step back and look at the big picture.  Fifty percent of your take-home pay should be allocated for essentials, 20 percent should go toward savings and debt, and 30 percent can cover everything else."  -  Alexa Von Tobel
  • "Keep a spending journal for 30 days.  A month's worth of data makes it easier to see where you can cut back."  -  Michelle Singletary
  • "Pick one intimidating financial situation - whether it's saving for a house or getting rid of your debt - and meet with a financial advisor.  You can find one through the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (nfcc.org).  A single session can put you on the right path."  -  Mary Caraccioli
What's your favorite financial hint?  Share it with us so we can all benefit.  :)

Friday, November 2, 2012

Put your wallet on a diet! - Money-saving ideas

Did you know you could save about $400 per month with just a few changes to your spending?  Depending upon how much you are spending each month (and we are already spending as little as possible, so I don't see how we could save $400/month) you can make a big dent in your expenses each month, and hopefully end up with a fatter wallet/bank account.

Here is the link to the site:  http://www.thebudgetdiet.com/cut-your-spending-by-400-a-month

I found this on Pinterest, and while many of the suggestions we have already done and/or they won't work for us (we live 10 miles from the nearest small town, so walking or riding our bikes into town for errands is not gonna be an option), there is a lot here to take from (and make changes with) for most people.

One thing I just got done doing - and this won't necessarily save money but I feel I am doing my part for the environment - is to go to www.DMAChoice.com and opt out of several kinds of junk mail.  You can go there and opt out of catalog lists, pre-approved credit offers, magazine lists, etc.  If it's clogging up your mailbox, you might as well get rid of it!

Another thing I am going to look into is getting rid of the "phantom" energy around our house.  I never thought about it, but by leaving my charger plugged in all time but only charging my phone at night I am wasting energy.  I need to go around the house and unplug chargers and appliances like that that may be "leaking" energy when they are not in use.  Maybe after a month or so of that I will have a pleasant surprise in my electric bill!

So what is your favorite saving tip?  What have you found you and your family can live without in order to save a little money here and there?  Share with us - and help us all to save!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

What to say at a funeral ...

Or rather, what NOT to say at a funeral.  Maybe no one else will find this funny ... but I do.  People say some lame things to you at funerals.  Thankfully, nothing as lame as this was ever said to me!  :)


From "The IT Crowd" - a British sitcom
 

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Financial Tip #3 - Make an Emergency Fund

This is one of the best pieces of advice I got - set some money aside as an emergency fund for ... well, emergencies.

It isn't hard to do.  OK, in theory it's not hard to do.  But let's be realistic ... this can be a tough one.

Here are a few guidelines to get you started:

  • Set a target for the amount you want to have in your emergency fund.  I like to have $1,000 set aside - that way I know I am covered when the washer gives out/the roof starts to leak/the lawnmower needs to be fixed/the car needs new tires/etc.  And you know those things don't just happen one at a time, right?!  We all know appliances gang up on you, and tend to quit in multiples.  Having enough to feel comfortable with whatever the near future may hold goes a long way in making you feel a little more secure.
  • Reserve this fund for emergencies.  No, those darling shoes you saw on sale DO NOT count as an emergency!  Keep this fund "hands off" until you really need it.  If you're always dipping into it, soon it will be gone - and that kinda defeats the purpose of an emergency fund, don't ya think?!
  • Yes, this comes straight from "Mr. Financial Peace" himself, Dave Ramsey.  This is one of his "baby steps" in taking control of your finances, instead of your finances controlling you.  And the whole idea of putting together an emergency fund is predicated on the assumption that you are not using your credit cards, or limited their use dramatically.  Don't use credit cards as your emergency fund!  This will only lead you further into debt - it's just too easy to use those blasted things.  And suddenly EVERYTHING looks like an emergency (see above.)
  • Maybe you don't have your entire desired amount for your emergency fund at the moment.  Start saving it up -put a bit away each month into a savings account, money market, etc.  Somewhere that it's drawing interest (however little it may be) and that you can get at it quickly ... in case of an emergency!  Keep socking that money away until you reach your goal.
Then smile at the future!

"She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come."

Proverbs 31:25 (NIV)

What is your favorite financial tip?  Share it with us!  :)

Monday, October 22, 2012

Financial Tips #2 - Online Banking

(Yes, this is me ... kicked back and doing my banking online.  Nope, just kidding!)

Dealing with all the changes and challenges of running a household myself, and having to re-arranging a budget to reflect a single income is stressful to say the least.  This coupled with the emotional upheaval of the past two years - stress magnified by 100.  That's why I want to share a few simple ideas that helped me in reorganizing our finances.

One of the most helpful things I have done when it comes to finances has to be paying bills online through my bank.  This has simplified things so much for me!  No more forgotten payments, no more late charges because I forgot to mail the check or couldn't find a stamp at the last minute.  Or because a bill went missing on my messy desk.

There are two categories I have set up with which to pay bills:  automatic payments and e-bills.
First  we'll talk about e-bills.

In the online banking section of my bank's website I have the option to signing up for certain monthly bills to be sent as e-bills; these are usually ones like my phone bill or credit card bills, and instead of getting a paper bill in the mail I get an e-bill notification in my email inbox. 

If you are banking online, look and see which bills are offered as e-bills and then sign up for them.  Your bill is sent electronically to your online bill pay section.  When you have a new bill your bank will send you an email to let you know an e-bill has arrived.  You can see and access your bill there, and set up the date and amount of the payment with just a few clicks.

I have set up automatic payments for such things as my monthly tithe to my church.  These are payments that are the same each month, like mortgage or car payments, or for credit card payments that are not offered as e-bills.  I love using this because I can set up a payment for a certain amount at a specific date each month, and then not worry about missing a payment or sending it late.

One word of caution - you still need to monitor your account!  I usually log in and check my account every other day or so, just to make sure that everything is the way it should be.  :)


Friday, October 19, 2012

Finances #1 - Tithing And Giving As A Widow


Did this strike a chord with anyone? 

Tithing may be a sore subject with some people.  Others may embrace this philosophy wholeheartedly.  Either way, I want to write about what I believe ... and I believe this is an important part of your financial planning.

I have seen first-hand how important this piece of my financial puzzle has become.  It may not seem logical if you are in dire money straits to be giving away what you feel that you need to survive.  Why would God ask us to give to others when we are worrying daily how we will survive and take care of our family?  We are worrying about paying our bills, and the pastor just preached another sermon on the importance of giving.  No joke ... mine did, just last week.  That's what got me started on this post.  And trust me on  this ... it makes "cents."  Pun intended.  :)

Whether you use your Bible to justify it, or you simply feel like "you get back what you give" ... it is important that you are giving, even when you feel as if your budget is telling you that you can't afford to give.  I am not saying that you should just hand over all your money to a church or organization.  I am saying that you sit down, and determine what you are able to give - what you truly feel "led" to share - and then set that plan in motion.

Here's why I feel strongly about this:

  1. There are always people who are worse off than you.  If you have a home, sigh in relief and be grateful.  If you can put food on the table, smile and rejoice.  If you are wearing shoes right now, wiggle those toes and be happy.  God has provided your needs.  There are many who don't have the things with which you have been blessed.  This is not to make you feel guilty, it's to get you to realize that we often focus on our own wants (notice I didn't say needs) and we end up feeling sorry for ourselves.  Pity party in progress!
  2. God has provided everything we have.  We may think that we have worked oh so hard, and have met our own needs ... but just who gave you the skills you use to earn your paycheck?  Who gave you the breaks or opened the doors for you to prosper?  As Christians, we know that we are dependent upon God for our protection, our survival and our prosperity. 
Malachi 3:10 says, " Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it."

2 Corinthians 9:7 says,"[So let] each one [give] as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver."

 Luke 6:38 says "give and it will be given to you, a good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over it will pour into your lap, for by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you in return."
 
There are folks that say you must give 10%, others that say you must be "Spirit-led" and give what the Holy Spirit tells you to give.  I believe there is a difference between tithing and giving.  Tithing is a spiritual discipline where you set aside 10% of your income to give to God's work - essentially giving it back to God.  Giving, for me, falls under the heading of "Spirit-led" and is over and above the monthly tithing.  It's for those times of extra abundance, and when there is a special need presented that I can fill.

However you choose to define it, and whether you choose tithing or giving or both ... the important idea is to share with others what you have been given, and to give back to God some of what He has blessed you with.

You might wonder how you could ever give away what you need yourself.  I can tell you from personal experience that God does indeed "fill in the gaps."  Just like the story from 2 Kings 4:1-7:

1 One day the widow of one of Elisha's fellow prophets came to Elisha and cried out to him, "My husband who served you is dead, and you know how he feared the LORD. But now a creditor has come, threatening to take my two sons as slaves." 2 "What can I do to help you?" Elisha asked. "Tell me, what do you have in the house?""Nothing at all, except a flask of olive oil," she replied. 3 And Elisha said, "Borrow as many empty jars as you can from your friends and neighbors. 4 Then go into your house with your sons and shut the door behind you. Pour olive oil from your flask into the jars, setting the jars aside as they are filled." 5 So she did as she was told. Her sons brought many jars to her, and she filled one after another. 6 Soon every container was full to the brim!"Bring me another jar," she said to one of her sons."There aren't any more!" he told her. And then the olive oil stopped flowing. 7 When she told the man of God what had happened, he said to her, "Now sell the olive oil and pay your debts, and there will be enough money left over to support you and your sons."

As a widow, I need to live in expectation that God will act on my behalf - according to my faith.  God will supply my needs, according to my trust in Him.  My trust in His goodness and acts of faith, such as tithing/giving, will bring more abundance into my life.

Whether you are in a season of plenty or a season of want...the expectation is that you trust God. That you start with what you have, be willing to do whatever it takes, act believing God will show up and honor God with the results.